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are literally devastated. E 'from early May to work continuously, including weekends. I started writing my thesis and I am obsessed by the need to finish as soon as possible. Except that assail me when I write the usual delusions of perfectionism and so in a month and a half I could not even throw down fifty pages. It's not really evil, since after all I also have a job to think about, but when I see an end so far away ... buaaa !
However I wanted to say that two nights ago I went out alone (for a number of reasons that I'm not here to explain but can be summarized in a finding that is a nice but irreducible vane) with the "type the fifth "(vd previous post). And I discovered that it's too nice. I just have to store the episode mentioned below as an involuntary loss of style. and continue to frequent. Because, honestly, I spent one of the evenings fun here since I arrived in Paris.
Bon, I prepare to exit. and eliminates the post below because I feel like a merdazza for writing those things! Kisses and good weekend!

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Facebook detox

few days ago I turned off my Facebook account. I reached the limit. I went there all the time, mostly to find myself reading "thoughts" of people that I cared very little or whose preferred they know little. The first day I felt strange, the second I felt the lack, the third he started to get better.
Facebook is a melting pot of rubbish , I've always known this, but for months I hid behind the excuse that it was often the only way to hear the distant friends. Boiata this one. Not that it is half that makes things easier. But, as Martha says, the effort to cultivate a relationship gives meaning to the relationship.
I'm glad. Now, at least when they are bored or have nothing to do, I have to provide actively takes away my boredom. It is not that difficult. On the other hand two years ago I lived with dignity without even the diabolical Social Network above. Or not?

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are fumatissima. Shanghainese like the good old days. I kiss dall'angolino of my happiness.

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But damn it!

Last night I went out with a English boy, D. We have been for a ride on a scooter in Montmartre, we drank a beer on a bench and smoked a Cannetta. For offering me a cigarette after months of abstinence I could actually give him at least one basin. And it's adorable, cute, intelligent. But I did not. It 's too low. I do not want to discriminate and anyway, in my defense, it must be said that in my life are not always out with the giants. But he, damn, it's too low. I do not really see it physically. And Rosica a casino, because I really like the face. But, above all, I finally seem to have spent an evening with a normal male who thinks being a man and not by narcissus Italian asshole. Not by chance is English, grew up in Switzerland. Ah. Does the actor. And if the leads at all. He also sent a message just got home to thank me for the evening ... Merde!

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letter true at night, by day a false start in

I drank a bit 'too much last night. On an empty stomach, as I rarely happen to me. And after two weeks of almost total abstinence (not in Yemen can you drink alcohol: just my liver has benefited from this absurd rule). I hate mixed language. And I hate waking up at 5 am on the verge of explosion with the bladder and a thirst atavistic and implacable. But I could think about yesterday, fuck. Only when I drink I do not think. Or when I do not think I drink. And since I was in a situation where my brain was totally disconnected from reality I probably drank a little 'too cerebral to fill the void. What a wonderful excuse, I never thought of.
I came back, as you all know more or less. And if you want to find some photos of the fabulous trip I just made you go here. I can not tell these days because all I did, sorryyy :-)!
Stare lontana mi ha fatto bene ma non nel modo in cui avrei voluto. Mi aspettavo un cambiamento, delle risposte diverse. E invece mi sono accorta di sapere già, da prima della partenza, tutto quello che avevo bisogno di sapere. In futuro arriverò probabilmente a compiacermi di essere arrivata a una forma di saggezza, seppure non riconosciuta nell'immediato, senza bisogno di un'evasione tangibile. In ogni caso il viaggio è stato utile perchè, avendo già le risposte, mi sono resa conto che quello di cui avevo bisogno era del tempo. E nelle tre settimane trascorse in Eritrea e Yemen il tempo ha subito un'accelerazione. Ho accumulato esperienza, che fa sempre bene. Così ora penso di poter sopravvivere a certe situazioni "Unpleasant" for my present. I'll tell you. Now I try to riaccozzarmi that in a three hours jimmino come here and I have to re-awaken.

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guys in a couple of hours I go to the airport. I do not think I will have to write on the blog, then presumably we feel in three weeks. A kiss to all, Madame Vs

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-6

I'm not nearly as in: next Tuesday delivery. I'm really too impatient to detach from my (lately too) Scazzi Paris, discovering new things, stay warm, to be with Martha. They are so malleable at this point in my life, which find a bit 'of sound can only make me well. I was not so into a project to travel from Indochina. In that case was an opportunity to elaborate farewell to Shanghai and back to Europe. Today my task is seemingly simple, I just put together some pieces of me along the way lost the last three months (but I'm not really sure you want to reattach all the pieces). Let us stop
ste c *** anyway with or like. One thing that has nothing to do: you know someone who might want to sublet my room in Paris one of these three weeks? Ask 150 € / week. Obviously it is more than one month I had planned to do this but I woke up just now. That is just in time to be sure of not finding anyone. But you never know. Perhaps here is the girlfriend of my brother, which would be perfect to be honest. As long as Jimmy does not clot (or, worse, someone else) in my bed! Well, if you can think of someone let me know!
Kisses, your madame-already-in-flight

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Lack of color

I have not written a lot about myself in recent months. A little 'because there was a situation over which I could not do well to define the contours. A little 'because I was confused in general and I did not want to share this feeling. This morning is that I feel very fit. Are premestruo (OLE) and also in hangover, so it's normal I feel like that. Maybe I should go out with the camera to look a bit 'responses. But do you remember when you do not even have to ask questions? I'm so used to mull over - and torment - all on the fact that they have thoughts bother me. What a hopeless case, fuck.
There is nothing wrong. But nothing that really goes. I am in a situation of stalemate and I know that until childbirth, very little will change. I really need and desire to build a new horizon of meaning. To cultivate a passion to do something for me.
These days I have seen through the eyes of other people. Luke told me that I am a very (also added that I liked years ago). Even my mom tells me so. Claims that are edgy. That's when I leave for the tangent there is nothing I can change my trajectory. Probably this is my current groping in the dark is bad.
And then what to say. I'm glad the problem, at least this time, is wholly confined to myself. That you no longer need another person with addossare neurotically my anxiety / fear / insecurity. But is it really too many months, from December to be exact, that I feel. And now I'm just calling a truce.

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A question

someone tell me how to draw up a will?

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Dans le vide

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Bavardages

E 'for a couple of weeks I hear the birds chirping outside my window. In the courtyard below is a cherry tree in bloom. It all seemed incredible phenomena. I had completely forgotten what it was spring. The sounds, smells, and the first sunny days. I do not know why but I want to take a ride on Lake Garda. One of the few clear memories that my outstanding memory of arteriosclerotic young child is considered a short vacation during Easter in Sirmione, at the age of 8-9 years. I feel even now the scent of Lake in the morning and I still see those bastard swans flapping like crazy when my brothers and I we get to watch them.

My spring is almost over, however. Between 17 days I leave for Africa. Have now entered fully into perspective. The trip became real (at last). Yesterday I went to collect the visa at the Embassy Eritrea. That burnt clerk even asked me if I have a light case and I can bring something home. I was not given many details ... should I trust? Consult my life coach Martha.

Last night, however, leaving the cinema, I deviated on quais coasted and the Ile de la Cité to return home. I walked with my head he looked up and saw me already, with suitcase in hand, take the RER B to go to the airport. I'm so happy to leave.

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sixties and gallery, only with a view to going

has just contacted me such an art gallery in Milan. From the voice may have guessed to be a man of a certain age. And sorry if I am a bit 'biased with over60 gallery. The type claims to have seen my "works" set up a website where I was actually recorded centuries ago when, for five minutes of my life, I thought of trying to sell my photos to photo agencies in Asia. The fact is that on this site, I never miss a half loaded image (because the operation I would € 50 cost: an investment unsustainable at present).
The type, however, is a bit 'stoned one. Just the fact that it refers to my "works" and does not specify what he's talking to me stinks. However you choose to listen to what he has to say. And here come out with its proposal. Is organizing an international exhibition in his gallery in which artists will be on display 6 and should last a couple of weeks. If you are concerned - and they are to me after having carefully examined my work visible on the site above -, listen, listen, I just have to pay 700 € including VAT, divided into three installments. The price of course including the publication of invitations and catering service the vernissage. Wow.
I am shocked. I wonder whether it is a normal procedure or not. If it is in Italy that works well. Boh. How do they get by emerging artists, if they are forced to pay to acquire figures of some kind 'of vision?
However, while we're on the subject, I wanted to say that the other night Etienne asked me to do an exhibition in September in Paris with some of our local "works" in China. I like the idea. Especially if he does it all and my greatest contribution will be to have to pay the printing of photographs.

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Allegra ...

... apart from the fact that I sleep very badly yet. But now, instead of svegliarmi alle 6 come mi succedeva a gennaio, ho preso l'insana consuetudine di passare sveglia le due ore che vanno dalle 3 alle 5 del mattino. Ore assolutamente improduttive, visto che mi rigiro nervosamente nel letto cercando invano di produrre pensieri positivi. Ma a parte questo sto finalmente bene. Mi sembra di essere tornata in me. Sorrido sempre, è bello.

Ieri Marta mi ha messa un po' in allarme sul viaggio in Yemen. Pare che la Croce Rossa di Asmara abbia riferito notizie non proprio incoraggianti sulle condizioni del paese per i turisti in questo periodo. Così ho fatto un giro sul sito del MAE e non è che siano usciti fuori dettagli proprio rassicuranti. Questa mattina, peraltro, digitando "Yemen" in Google News I found out that the country is now considered the new headquarters of Al Qaeda. Be that as it's now 1000 euro invested in airline tickets, I would say that is not the time for second thoughts. We hope for the best.

Tonight I go out with Etienne, a French boy in Shanghai and met with whom I had half wheeling months ago. I'm not shivering from the desire to see him. Also why do not you feel more or less by September, when he reappeared out of nowhere last week, was well placed to take the piss to me to be gone ... As if he had made countless attempts to contact me! Boh. you explain to me how the hell people are thinking. In any case, the promise that I was made to go out only with people I really want to attend is beautifully nullified within a couple of messages. Currently you have not yet showed up. Cindi would say are the usual vane. Even here, we hope for the best.

I try to take a nap cicci beautiful.

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Needle in the hay

I still can not sleep. What is the problem, it's only 7:12 on Sunday morning ... We load this song that I like an exaggeration. And I try to turn off the light.

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Still alive

am 5 am and I can not sleep. Last night I ate and drank too much, mo 'I'm terrible. In ten days of "vacation" in Italy I could take back the flu. The third time this year that I get sick when I'm home. Some say that it is a purely psychosomatic. Maybe.
Tomorrow I have to wake up again at this insane to take the train back. This short Italian I did well although I was not raised at all the sense of restlessness that I had before leaving. However, I want to come back chez moi. are days that "spy" programming Allocine to see what movies are making in the fifth arrondissement. I'm touching the disease, I realize. Also because Monday morning after discovering that Jules et Jim will project a film at 11.30 behind the house I had the temptation to leave early today. Then I thought maybe I was exaggerating. And, anyway, my ticket was not refundable. Better get your soul in peace, in short.
The real news of the week is that Mark sold me his "old" record player. And that, in the attic of my grandmother, I made up a mess of 33 laps of my mother when she was young. Listening to things cool. So, finally, my room in Paris bought the missing piece that will make it perfect. Until the next fad, bien sur.

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Celebrity vs Youth. That is an uplifting story about how to age with dignity

In Paris I give all of you. And call me Madame . There is little to do, 'is what is on my ass. As Madame my "stage name" I tried to think the matter in self-celebrating, but nevertheless it continues to Starmie on the ass.

Today, however, the boulangerie downstairs, I'm finally back young. It 'just enter and ask if I could buy a euro with two baguette and something sweet. The girl was initially went a bit 'in crisis, then offered me a better formulas baguette croissant + to 1.95 €, obviously welcomed with great enthusiasm. But the real momento di gioia l'ho vissuto al momento di uscire, quando il saluto è stato un (ah, godo...) a u revoir mademoiselle. A saperlo, che bastava così poco, per sentirsi un paio di anni in meno.. . E la cosa più consolante è che, avendo sempre le pezze ar culo, in un modo o nell'altro ho anche la certezza che resterò giovane per sempre... Ora non mi resta che andare a fare merenda con latte e croissant. Chissà che non ci sia anche qualche bel cartone animato in tv...

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Mina Vagante's back! Sleepless

Mattinata in attesa di fare telefonate e prenotazioni varie. Alla fine, dopo mille esitazioni tra Berlino, Amsterdam, Bruges, Venice and Rome, I decided to ... do nothing! The same old fool, in fact.

I just thought to anticipate my return to Italy so he can go to Milan and see some 'people! And I might add very nearly a detour from Pavia by Cindi. Anyway they are still in this position for over 24 hours. And this morning I buy the tickets so I put an end to quest'insopportabile oscillation.

addition to returning to Italy in recent days I have to book flights for April. I tell you that where I go, so now it is safe, even if I still have tickets in hand.

So, I board March 31 to Asmara with Mars. Then we move on April 11 in Sana'a, capitale dello Yemen, e da lì (fino a data attualmente da definirsi) ci dirigiamo sull'isola di Socotra, vero e proprio paradiso terrestre senza nulla se non una natura incontaminata e un mare spaziale... non c'è molto altro da aggiungere se non che non vedo l'ora di partire (ma va??!).

Beh, ora vi canno tesori miei perchè ho troppe cosine da fare.

Baciiiii

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Questa mattina mi sono svegliata alle 6... L'insonnia che mi perseguita da settimane non passa e ho veramente le palle in giostra. Voglio tornare ad alzarmi alle 9.30 tutte le mattine. Merde .

Nelle due ore appena trascorse, non sapendo veramente cosa fare (un altro film di Bergman era impensabile), mi sono messa a guardare biglietti di treni, aerei, autobus su internet. Ovviamente non so dove andare. Il fatto è che mi piacerebbe partire... domani. Ma la cosa non mi sembra esattamente attuabile. Vi dirò, comunque, che il mio umore sta progressivamente migliorando. Avevo proprio bisogno di stare un po' da sola.

Alla fine penso tornerò a Casale qualche giorno, in concomitanza del rientro di Jimmy il 17 febb. Solo che mancano ancora due settimane e in questo momento mi sembra un'eternità...

Ho chiaramente bisogno di riflettere su un po' di cose. E vorrei anche andare a casa di mia nonna. In realtà questa mi sembra increased the urgency of the moment. I do not know if it is a more intense confrontation with reality, what I try. But I am sure that my not being able to sleep and this sadness that I bring him to be closely linked to his death.

And then I have to arrange for the trip in April, I need to go home to take the appropriate clothing ... until I book will not tell you anything more precise, but yesterday I had the ok from my boss (I'd be out three weeks). In return, my mother began to break the cojones. It will probably be gone to take a ride on the website of the Ministry :-)...

Well, I try to get back to bed.

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"What do you teach?" "Love of course ... what did you think?" Revolutionary Road

I just finished to watch the DVD A lesson in love Bergman. And, although I have a little 'annoyed having to read all the dialogue (the version originally published in Swedish is obviously), I am really satisfied. Finally a film comme il faut . Speaking of love and tell the complexity of relationships is a very difficult job. We realize it when you are facing that kind of work.

not a question of sharing the moral of the story or to appreciate the coherence of the narrative (especially because this is not always synonymous with depth). In a (seemingly) simple film of '54 * fails to reveal the plots secret of a report, to abstract from a universal sense that small incidents and is yet largely unknown, it allows you to sense the drama of feelings, even those never tested. Bergman, in fact, leads to an identification is never banal.

What most amazes me, in this case, is a way to explain the feelings that transcends all language barriers. The problem of the deepest thoughts dell'intraducibilità the men are continually in everyday life, even people who share the same language: it is shocking to note that a human being, however, may have an ability to communicate is so extensive.

I wish I could say that I liked this movie because my mindset is perfectly suited to that of Bergman. But I must admit that my merits are few: it is his genius to "educate" the mind of the viewer. Who can observe just gape.

* candidly admit that it glanced on google ...

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The fact is that now I go to the cinema to see mostly old films to be screened still are evidently true masterpieces of the history of seventh art. So, when I'm sipping for the case of pimps brand new as the latest purported masterpiece by Sam Mendes me a nervous salt incredible. Even after today, I must say, the nerve remains unchanged.

The main reason why I find vapid Revolutionary Road is perhaps debatable, but it is a story focused on the life of an American couple, it's still relevant.
The crux of the matter, but in my humble unbiased opinion, are the underlying hatred of the report Winslet-DiCaprio. Or rather, not this aspect in itself but the way it is treated. It must be said that, even usually, couples who argue are not really my favorite subject (and do not need a genius to reconnect to the aftermath of the story with quest'idiosincrasia Carlo ...). But, for example, a film like Scenes from a Marriage is great, to an extraordinary depth and even in parts of heightened tension, it never leaves a feeling of impatience, but drags the viewer into the depths of the relationship between the two protagonists (whose names, if I wanted to do giulia, you could mention doing a little research on google fast ... but this morning I'm too lazy for that).

Yates's novel from which it is drawn is likely to be a masterpiece. But if the plot's got more concrete as well, was so complicated to give more depth to the characters, let him pronounce sentences less trivial and more engaging, developing a story with some psychological aspects' more intense?

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Update

I realized that in the last post, lost to tell you a present which are often confused as to forget to take part, I neglected to update you on a series of events previously introduced in the blog. So here's the most salient sull'eccitante update of your life in Paris Madame:

1. Was successfully concluded negotiations to write the thesis of my friend F. I will tell you that after having spent half the afternoon to read happy stories about the life of Adolf Eichmann, Nazi criminal trial in Jerusalem in 61, I wonder what will do well al mio umore già sufficientemente instabile concentrare l'attenzione su temi così leggeri. Ma cerco di pensare in una prospettiva di lungo periodo. Ovvero al magico momento in cui incasserò i soldi. E in cui, soprattutto, potrò spenderli offrendo vodka e caviale alla Nani sul treno dei nostri desideri.

2. Nelle ultime settimane ho ricevuto svariati inviti da parte del mitico Carlito a vernissage o eventi programmati nella sua galleria. Mi avrà senz'altro piazzata in qualche mailing list, va' a sapere. Ho delegato così la gestione della nostra relazione al filtro antispam di gmail. Per ora funziona alla grande.

3. Qualche giorno fa, in seguito all'incastrarsi di una serie di circostanze casuali, ho chiamato la Fra. I did not hear his voice at least two and a half years but was a natural thing and this has reassured me about the thought of a future meeting. Bello, when all that easy. Anyway, we reached agreement to see us in the spring. On will .

4. For about a week I think with some consistency that could be helpful to have a good fuitina with myself a few days in Berlin. Meanwhile, I put it to work my Nikon. And then I need to walk with no known next of, dedicating myself in a constructive way to dispose of old and new obsessions and, above all, I left a bit 'by the newspaper (... the eternal damnation of us stray mine). Only that my beloved friend Martita me yesterday texted mentioned the possibility of a spring trip even more appealing. For now, do not tell anything. I do not know what is feasible, as extremely attractive. But my determination to take this flight hours in Berlin has undergone a sharp braking. And to think that by seven days I was so determined ...

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Out-of-focus

This evening I could make a nice copy and paste the post of January 8. Not for superstitious purposes but simply for the record, because here I do nothing but bring reports of my Parisian life. This week has been long and heavy, from different points of view. I let my moods were completely determined dagli altri: le persone che mi vengono a trovare, quelle che vorrei vedere ma non riesco, quelle che sogno ma nella realtà non esistono più.

Quando questo pomeriggio mi sono svegliata da un incredibile pisolino di un'ora e mezza (ultimamente sono pure diventata insonne) e ho guardato fuori dalle due finestre della mia stanza sono rimasta folgorata. Dietro i vetri di sinistra il cielo era blu. Dietro quelli di destra c'erano dei nuvoloni scurissimi. Soffiava un vento pazzesco.

Vi è mai successo di vedere voi stessi riflessi in un fenomeno metereologico? A me mai prima di oggi. O forse sì e non ci avevo mai pensato. Ad esempio, ora che ci rifletto su, a Shanghai ero decisamente monsonica. Ma all'epoca non me ne rendevo any account. Now is not that in my mind there's a lot more clarity, but, of course, this afternoon my vision has definitely opened my eyes to a current mode of being.

Brezsny this week suggests they go to get a beer, to clarify things. I was thinking more like a cane, to tell the truth, but really do not know where to find a smoke :-). Merde!

nice weekend!

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Hypercommunication

E 'was a full immersion in Maoming Lu from all points of view, one of these days with my sister Harpika China. Lots of laughter and a shooting so cool of you can see the results below. And then, of course, rumors, statements, thoughts turned to the past and the usual, inevitable questions about the future. With a soundtrack really amazing that now, if I put on the Elephant Gun Beirut, I climb a nostalgia absurd. And to say that the Dwarves came from only a couple of hours. But you know I like the melancholy.

Last night I reflected on what is satisfactory and at the same time limiting the relationship with my beloved ex-roommates. I never thought in those terms. They talk a bit 'with Annika as we walked in the Marais, however, I had the lighting: I have realized how their constant presence has filled in a manner so intense my days trying not to push each other for a whole year of my life. In Shanghai, being together was so enjoyable and emotionally satisfying to eliminate the need to nurture the roots of individual spaces.

The "problem" is that when communication is perfect, the daily flows always smooth and never needs are not created, it also becomes impossible to evolve.

Now that I'm "only", however, I feel exposed and motivated to make choices. Not that the sense of security I felt in Maoming lu I miss you. But, in fact, I'm better now. I seem to be able to achieve things for me really. And I'm sure that at the same time the world there are two people I love like sisters. Tangibly feel the emptiness of their absence. But I'm glad to see that this void I'm filling in some way. The Julia says that I have become cumbersome. The reality is that I function better on its own: after all, is something I've always known.

And in this regard: I feel in the air approaching a trip en solitaire. I do not know when, but now there's just no time urgency. In a few hours and get my head last Friday guest appearance in this cycle of visits in Paris. After the B & B desBernardins closes its doors for a while ': fear of being seriously hunted home from my roommate!

A kiss.

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Post propopiziatori

Friday I spent a nice evening. Sorry if you do not go into detail but have not yet reached that point of intimacy with the web. However, given the blowjob of the post below, I wanted above all to assure you that now much calmer.

know, that was enough to complain on the blog to be a lovely change in their lives, not lose more opportunity to piss me off :-)!

I only have a tremendous sense of nausea that haunts me since yesterday morning ... practically, except for a pausini cinema at noon, I was in bed from 13.30 yesterday until this morning at 9 (Micioni, I did it to beat your record ?)...

yesterday, this virus accomplice certainly annoying, I admit that I made many think. For a long time I felt more in Shanghai. It was not a good feeling. But today I really feel reborn. As if I had internalized a life lesson and I were finally ready to look at things differently. A few days ago, Nani told me they need a psychologist, to cushion the change linked to his return to Italy. I must say that now do not think anymore, but at the time of my return, some trauma weighed unsustainably. Those related to daily life we \u200b\u200bhave little time to put all things autosmaltirsi. The wounds "sentimental" (this term seems too deep to define my experience Chinese but I do not think of any other, NDM), every now and are still being felt. Testimony is its optimistic post below. And my sclero yesterday.

What I miss now is the ability to calmly analyze certain situations. I made progress. But the basic problem is that they are completely devoid of confidence in men. I still need to make efforts to get out of my rational was paranoid. But the great thing is that now I can, get out, and we do not even put too much time. I seem to have lost it so unbearable person who had (in Shanghai and in which we all fall more or less) of being subjected to situations that I was good.

The moral is very trivial, I know, but after China really seems to me that he learned to take life head-on *.

* for Jupiter: I'm holding out an inspiration to comment on a silver platter, do not let me down I recommend! :-)